HELP! I’ve Fallen in Love with My Professional Dominatrix by Headmistress Shahrazad

HELP! I’ve Fallen in Love with My Professional Dominatrix

By Headmistress Shahrazad

Does the swing of her leather-clad hips make you stammer and sweat? Are you convinced that when she looks at you, her expression belies a depth of feeling that she simply has not yet communicated to you? Are you obsessed about whether she is being disingenuous when she says she enjoys sessions with you? Does her sultry voice lull you into imagining a happy fantasyland where it’s only you and her, strolling down the street with your balls locked up and the key hanging around her neck? Do you book session after session in the hope that one day she’ll tell you that you’re more than just a client? If you can answer yes to these or similar questions, my friend, you may be one of the many clients who thinks they have fallen in love with their Professional Dominatrix.

Know that this is a surprisingly common experience. There several unique things about the Pro-Domme/client relationship that tend to foster the phenomenon, so let’s explore them here. First, when you go visit a Professional Dominant, the interactions will have been predicated on some frank pre-session discussion in which you will have been asked to divulge your deepest erotic yearnings. If the Pro is the first person you have shared these secrets with, it can create a sense of emotional intimacy that you may not have experienced before in other areas of your life. We all want to be accepted for all of who we are without judgement, and when we finally have that experience it can feel good. Really good.

Then you come in for your session, and if all goes well the Pro will have facilitated a profoundly intense and pleasurable experience that satiates your neglected fantasies. Perhaps you allowed yourself to be vulnerable and were met with kindness and understanding. Maybe you can’t remember the last time you felt so giggly and blissed out, and you are so grateful to the person who you believe made it all happen – your Pro. Sensations on the pain-pleasure spectrum, delivered in a concentrated dose, dump a natural chemical cocktail into your bloodstream whose effect has been compared to heroin.

You book a few more sessions, and the experiences just keep getting deeper. You feel like a whole new person, and you put the Pro up on a pedestal, believing they can do no wrong. On some level you believe in the prevalent social script that if the erotic energy between two people is strong and enduring, then it must be an indication that romance is in the cards. Without you knowing anything more about them than the interactions they have had with you in sessions, they become a proxy onto which you project your highest ideals of a romantic partner and you feel like you’ve fallen in love.

There is nothing wrong with having feelings, but it is extremely important to take responsibility for them and not let your love feelings skew your perception of reality. The actual reality is that in 99% of the situations where clients feel romantic love towards their Professional Dominant, that love is not reciprocal. The Pro may care deeply about you to varying degrees as a client or as a person, but generally speaking is not “in love with you” back. The professional parameters of the relationship will have been stated implicitly or explicitly when you contacted them for a professional service. While that service involves stepping into a space of strong eroticism, physicality, intimacy, and emotional vulnerability, that should not be mistaken for more than exactly what it is.

If you are questioning strongly whether she does feel the same way as you do, do not project anything onto her or make assumptions. The best way to achieve clarity in this regard is to ask her. Just don’t be surprised or disappointed if she rebuffs your overture. And if she does not reciprocate your feelings, then you have a decision to make. You can either continue to see her and enjoy the points of connection that you do have and can enjoy together, reminding yourself frequently that just because you love her does not mean that she feels the same way, or you can find a different Pro to visit who you can have a clearer, more boundaried interaction with.

There are some common behaviours exhibited by clients who feel that they are “in love” with their Pro-Dominants that you should try to avoid if you find yourself in this situation, as they are likely to backfire on you. First, do not keep seeing her for paid sessions if you are under the illusion that one day she will change her mind, stop charging you, and agree to date you instead. Doing so is likely to be heartbreaking and expensive for you. Second, do not get overly paranoid about whether she genuinely enjoys her time with you or is just doing it for the money, as though her authentic enjoyment proves her feelings for you. If she is a professional, the answer is probably both. Third, never try to insinuate that she should stop being a Pro and date you exclusively, a la Pretty Woman. She doesn’t have a problem with her choice of career – you do.

It is my hope this article helped you to better understand the feelings you may be having towards your Pro-Domme so that you can stand back and put everything in perspective. Instead of feeling angry or rejected, or trying to manipulate the relationship into the box you want it to fit into, see if you can appreciate the connection for what it is – a powerful and impactful one that you will look back on fondly for the transformative effect that it had on your personal development.